The Sleep Issue

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Pony P,

I am so sick of talking about your sleep habits. Our culture is way too obsessed with them, and whether or not I’ve harnessed yours or not. In Italy they think our sleep obsession bazaar, for them, it’s food, How much is your kid eating? What is your kid eating? Probably drives a few Moms batty over there as well.

I guess if you were an Olympic sleep athlete I wouldn’t be fuming. But you are not totally anti sleep either. You are definitely somewhere in the middle. I’d say on average you wake up twice a night, randomly. Sometimes it’s more, rarely is it less. When it is more, I spend my days in a stupor, wandering around like the walking dead. When it is less I think I can take on the world, it’s so novel and exciting. Most days I feel just okay. I can handle most things that come my way with a pinch of equanimity. If I meditated more consistently, I’m sure that equanimity would raise regardless of nocturnal nursings. It’s the one topic your Dad and I have argued more about than any other thing. In fact- I can’t even think of another thing. But I have a confession to make, I secretly really love nursing you at night. I love nursing you all the time, but at night, it feels super natural to connect like that, at least once. I get something out of it. I’m not just giving. I get to hold you, hear you, smell you. I get to close my eyes and feel your belly breathing against mine. I get to open my eyes and see this tiny little hand waving in the air. Your Dad and I made an agreement that no babies would sleep in the bed and I have honored that and I ultimately think it’s best for our family. So I treasure these little interludes we get. And lucky for us, we don’t endure the level of sleep deprivation some of my friends do. I don’t know what I’d do if we did. Well, yes, I do. We’d be doing a lot more “training.” A concept I abhor.

So sleep on little one, sleep on. I’ll adjust knowing that some day you won’t need me in the middle of the night anymore, in fact, you won’t need me at all, and I will miss these precious days painfully. So I milk them for everything they are worth. I’m like the dairy queen except I am open 24 hours 7 days a week.

Love,

Mom

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