Fight For What You Want!

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Squirty squirt squirt…we heard your heartbeat again this morning.  However, it took a minute for the doctor to find it and during those treacherous 60 seconds your Papa said Dr. Cabrera looked like this:

I looked like this:

and Papa looked like this:

And then there you were, fluttering and galloping like the little horse you are.  I love hearing you, it makes me all warm and giddy inside.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  After that we decided to have a real heart to heart with Dr. Cabrera about our intentions for a natural birth.  It was a very revealing conversation.  Apparently, he’s quite conservative and old-fashioned.  It became clear early on that we had very different views on childbirth.  I won’t go into the details but I will illuminate the turning point, it was when I mentioned that we were speaking with a doula.  His ears flattened like the horse that bit Grandma in Mexico and he immediately straightened up and proclaimed that he would not work with a doula, that it was too adversarial of a relationship and he wasn’t interested in doing that.  To his credit, his honesty was refreshing and made the decision to seek another doctor easy for us.  He even went so far as to refer us to a doctor he knew that did work with doulas and lo and behold it was the very same Dr. Wu at Glendale Adventist Hospital that I had been hearing about on the Boobie Brigade (which is this very informative yahoo group of mothers in and around Los Angeles helping each other out.)  He told us he wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if we decided to switch and would do everything he could to make it an easy transition.  We walked out of there knowing for sure that he was without a doubt not the right OBGYN for us.  Funny enough, when I got into the car there was an email from a friend who just gave birth at Glendale Memorial (where Dr. Cabrera is) strongly suggesting we seek another hospital.  That she was convinced we would not have the experience we wanted.  I really think the Universe talks to us if we are just willing to listen.  So Dr. Wu it is!  According to Doula Tracy he didn’t win any awards for his bedside manner in medical school but working with him at Glendale Adventist is much better then what we had.  I had no idea this stuff could get so complicated but I truly feel in my heart that this entire experience is a rites of passage for me, and possibly most women, if they choose to look at it that way, and that finding the right doctor and hospital, fighting for what I believe in intuitively and really trying to experience the entire process of pregnancy and childbirth as natural as possible without the aid of anything synthetic is extremely important for me to go through before I become a Mom.   That birth canal you are going to travel down you don’t travel alone.  I travel it with you. It’s my birth too.  My birth as an empowered, confident, decisive mother.  It’s time to let go of the wishy-washy young woman that has plagued me.  I hate feeling like a candle in the wind, so easily swayed by others opinions and thoughts of me and everything.  This is my time to stand up and fight for what I believe in.  And I believe in this. There is something so profoundly personal, delicate, sacred, and magical about this time and since I know it’s only going to happen for me once, I want to make sure I do everything I can to make it as special as possible.

Here you are right now:

and here am I:

Two little peas in a pod.



Barrio San Vicente, Riva!!

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We just returned from a lovely trip down to Baja California Sur, otherwise known as Mexico, to visit your Grandma Jill for Christmas.  She lives in one of the Magic Pueblitos of Mexico.  50 miles north of Cabo San Lucas on the Pacific side of the peninsula.  She’s lived there for over 13 years and has an amazing home with a gorgeous casita on it and tons of fruit and palm trees surrounding it.  She also has her own art gallery called Galleria Logan where she sells her own art.  It’s the most striking building in the town.  I can’t wait for you to see it someday.  You might see it in November if you are strong enough to travel.  It is a truly magical spot in an otherwise arid desert, an oasis they call it, Todos Santos, All Saints. You are going to love it.  I just know it.  Because your Papa totally fell in love with it and I have to tell you, seeing the town through his eyes was such a treat for me.  I felt like I was experiencing it for the first time, all the smells and sights. He isn’t jaded by past escapades so I felt I wasn’t jaded anymore either. My Mom has lived there over 13 years and I’ve been sober for 6 so when you are old enough, you can do the math on that one. However, seeing Todos Santos with fresh new eyes was truly one of the greatest gifts your father gave me this Christmas, in so many ways.

Don’t let me forget to give you some of the highlights of the trip; different hikes with the dogs every day either on a beautiful mountaintop overlooking the ocean or along a gorgeous deserted beach with whales breaching in the distance. Delicious food all day and night, fantastic company (Jill has a bevy of entertaining, intelligent, warm, loving and generous friends to hang out with) and the cleanest air and water we’ve experienced in too long.

Here is a picture of your Grandma Jill painting:

You can check out more of her work at

And this is me with you in my belly outside of our casita:

As you can see we are starting to show!  Which is super exciting for me.  I love seeing my belly grow and I can’t wait till you get bigger and bigger and bigger and then pop!  out you come.  But in total Arrowyn fashion, I have decided to read every single book and piece of literature on birth I can get my grubby little hands on which has served my anxiety well.  I want to do right by you in this process, and right by me, the only problem is, that I don’t know what ‘right’ is yet.  Everyone has an opinion and they seem very passionate about whatever that opinion is.  As of today, I want a Natural Childbirth in a hospital which I am learning, is probably the most challenging way to go.  However, we are meeting Dr. Cabrera again tomorrow morning and you better believe we have some questions for him.  We met our Doula Tracy last week and we love her.  She has short hair like me.  She seems to think we can have the birth we want even at a less than birth friendly hospital like Glendale Memorial.  So we will see.  I keep asking you what kind of birth you want, but you haven’t answered me yet.  I’ll keep educating myself in the meantime.

Pregnancy updates: nausea has been subsiding but we’ve added a new component- dizziness.  Totally fun to stand up really fast and see what happens!  Never a dull moment with you Squirt!

For some more pictures of our trip go to

And if you are bored out of your mind and have absolutely nothing better to do with your time then watch a video Papa took with his new Flip camera he got for Christmas from yours truly then check out it out at  
In it, you will see our favorite beach, Las Palmas, where wild horses run the beach and Grandma sometimes gets bit by them.  It was too cold to swim this trip, sad face, but next time we are there, swim we shall.  The ocean and the air are so clean it’s breathtaking.

Yo te amo mucho mi hija.

momma squirt