I have been waiting to write this blog until I could take a photo of your finished room but we still haven’t purchased the chair from Ikea that theoretically might make all the difference in the world and we may never at this point so what the hell, I’m going to write this anyways and screw the photo. It’s too much work for me right now anyways. Taking photos and downloading them etc…ugh. Maybe I am just extremely lazy but being the mother of a toddler, working part time, trying to start my own business, and interning with The Social Justice Project and oh yes, meditate consistently…I think you get it. Never enough time. Or sleep.
Speaking of, DAYLIGHT SAVINGS can kiss my ass!!! I don’t understand it and I dread it when it comes. Gain an hour. Ha. You are now waking up at 5:30am. Yup. That is right. 5:30am. You were, for such a gloriously long time, waking up at 7am. Such a more decent hour. I have high hopes that we will eventually meander back towards 7 but that is all they are, hopes.
The point is, though, that you are now sleeping in a toddler bed and you absolutely love it. It is probably one of the cutest things i have ever seen, the smile on your face the first night I tucked you in. And why you don’t leave your bed once you are in it is truly beyond me. You have cried and kicked and fussed in there denying your own bedtime or cried and called out in the middle of the night or morning but you have not climbed out of bed and wandered through the house, like I so dreadfully feared. Not sure what or why this is the case but I am so fucking grateful that it is. Lord knows I would never sleep if that was the case, you wandering around. I would have to sleep with one eye open on the monitor, like some weird old outlaw sleeping in a tavern full of cowboys that want to murder me.
You are starting to really come out of your shell and love school. You especially like Roxy. That girl sure has some charisma because I hear that you are not the only one. Roxy is a big hit at the preschool. And I am so glad you enjoy her so much. She makes you laugh, that is for certain.
A big thing, I guess, to report, might be that as of today, I am planning on sending you to a Waldorf school. For all it is and for all it isn’t. I think spending so much time in public schools around Los Angeles and learning what I now know innately about education is that I want you to have something magical, beautiful, and special and that I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices for that to happen.
It was one of those things where I went to visit the campus, having my intellectual questions and doubts, the second I stepped out of my car and onto the campus, my whole body said YES. THIS IS IT.
But it ain’t cheap. I pray we qualify for some financial aid. Pray pray pray.
I am not so sure about traditional prayer anymore. In fact, I am questioning a lot of things these days. But maybe we’ll save that for when you get a bit older.
I am growing up, dear daughter, right along with you. Learning about who I am and who I am not. And at the same time beginning to carve out the kind of future I would like to have, for you, me, and our family.
I love you more than you will ever know,