What a year Pony.

I married your Dad, gave birth, and stumbled through the first three months of your life without breaking you. Stellar accomplishments, I’d say, but the truth is they are all huge gifts from the whatever you want to call it thing that is bigger than us all up there below and all around.

2011 has created me. I am the woman I always wanted to be but didn’t know it. I am a wife and mother. Wow. Me. Really.

You never cease to amaze me. Beginning with the way you charmed every single person around us on the flights. The looks of dread that passed on their faces when they realized, oh shit, four hours with a baby. But no, not you, you handled it all with aplomb. Even the delays. Maybe you will love traveling as much as we do. It looks like you already do.

You have always been a super alert baby, straight out of the womb, but now there is definitely a very wonderful wheel turning behind your eyes. I can see it working away, forming new synapses and connections. You are considering things. It’s fascinating to watch.

You met so many new people on this trip back to South Dakota. All your relatives. And they were so excited to meet you. It was a love fest all around. Good solid folks, Pony. Authentic, warm, loving, and kind. You are one lucky little girl to have so many people love you so much.

My only sadness for you is that they don’t live closer. That none of your doting Grandma’s do. We could really use them somedays.

So now we are wrapping up 2011 and saying good-bye. It’s been nothing less than life- changing for me. I can’t wait to see what 2012 has to offer.

Dad is going to up load the videos and photos from the trip. I promise. I’ll make him if he forgets.

We love our new house. I think you do too.

And lastly- a new development of yours- you like to sit up in the middle of breastfeeding, grab my nipple with your two little fingers, stare intently at it as if it were magic, squishing and twisting it before you finally pull it into your mouth with a barbaric yelp, seemingly forgetting it’s attached to my body, whereas I yelp with you.

Good times, P. Good times.

I’m more in love with you than ever. That is the truth.

Mom

Pony!

Who knew finding help would be so hard? I have a really hard time vetting people, it seems. I get super excited right away and forget to ask all the right questions, like how do you feel about being on time, or showing up at all, actually?

It didn’t dawn on me either how important of a decision this was going to be- this is someone you will be spending TWO ENTIRE days a week with! All 14 hours. With someone else! It actually breaks my heart a little. I hate missing a moment with you. You grow up so fast. You are discovering new things every day and it brings me such incredible joy to be a witness to your discoveries. You are like Columbus sailing and instead of finding islands, you find two hands and feet.

I wish I didn’t have to work, but then again, I am grateful I get to work. I love my job. I am torn. I feel super lucky that I am able to do it a part time, it really is the best of both worlds. But still. I miss you already.

So the big dilemma was between daycare and a sitter. I hate calling her a nanny. Feels way to formal for me. Your Dad says you are too little for daycare and I tend to agree. Although I heard that Blanca’s is amazing, she does story time and scheduled naps and all sorts of fun things. Then there was the potential nanny share in Atwater, with two other kids and a woman they called The Baby Whisperer. However, one of the mom’s thought three was a crowd, so she vetoed that idea. Now we are back to hiring someone for you and you alone. Someone special. I hope. And I think we found her. Her name is Angela. She’s pretty awesome. I am looking forward to learning from her. She was a preschool educator for 16 years, just got laid off. She has a degree in early childhood education. And she knows RIE and The Echo Center parenting styles. She had me when she said that she is there to help you reach your milestones, not to be your mother. And then there is our back-up, the lovely Xiamora. I like her too. She is bright, warm, and very ernest.

So there you have it. After pulling my hair out and even crying a little, this is where we are.

Angella and Xiamora.

Here we come.

Oh yes, and by the way, we are moving on Saturday to a new house. One I hope you will remember. It’s in the hills. It is really in the hill, built in and up it. Stairs and more stairs, we shall have buns of steel, the Husoms, that is. Sara painted your room purple again. It looks beautiful. I hope we have fun there. I am nervous about the move and your routine, but then again, I am always nervous about something. I pray you don’t inherit that from me. It sucks carrying all that fear around. Ready to drop it like a bag of rocks and swim for the surface.

We will be traveling soon to South Dakota to meet your relatives. It’s gonna be cold. I’m not gonna lie. But they are all warm people and can’t wait to meet you. And I them.

It’s a busy end of the year.

Hang in there with us.

I love you.

Mom