Pony my dear- you are 3 months big today!!!!!

And… you are still intact. You have everything you came with. All the parts are there.  I can’t believe it.  Big sigh of relief.  We celebrated by driving all the way to Marina Del Rey so you could meet your Godfather, Dustin, for the very first time.  That was pretty special.  Plus we stayed for dinner, like big 3 month people do.  You were amazing.  You fell asleep on my shoulder before dessert so I laid you down on a couch in the other room.  When I walked away you were sleeping soundly. I left the door ajar. After two bites of ice cream I glanced your way and there you were, staring at me with your legs in the air.  You were so peaceful and calm I laughed and rushed over to kiss you.  When I looked down you looked up and gave me one of your big gummy grins.  I swoon at times like this.

They were right, about just getting to 90 days.  It is amazing the corners you keep turning every day.  Especially since we saw the osteopathic doctor (?? I am way too tired to look that up right now and make sure it is correct.)  Whatever she was, she was magic.  She touched your head and you became a new baby.  I saw you experience peace and serenity.  It has only enhanced what was already there.

You are becoming so fun, Pony.  I look forward to the mornings with you so much.  Papa says it’s like Christmas for me when I open my eyes around 7:30 and ask, because you still haven’t made a sound, “Shall I go get her?” and he says, “Hell yes, go get her!” and I jump up, like a kid that needed permission to open her first present, tip-toe up to your door, and peak in on you in your new big girl crib.  There you are, looking around peacefully, sucking on a finger or two, with your legs in the air.  I have no idea how long you have been like that but I watch you for a little while, loving your buddha like mindfulness, before I enter and look down at your beautiful little face.  And that is when you do it, every single time, you destroy me with your giant goofy smiles.  I have to lean in and nuzzle your neck, armpit, and thighs before I scoop you up and take you into our bed.  Then it’s family time.  Because that is what we are now Pony, a family.

I had a funny revelation the other day about what how much a baby can change you.  When we were still living in Echo Park and I was pregnant with you someone asked me if we would ever live in South Pasadena.  I was horrified and said, “Hell no, South Pasadena is way too ‘white’ and conservative for me.” Then we moved to Highland Park and you were born.  When I was telling Uncle Strider of my new obsession with La Canada he said, “Of course you love it there, it’s the Laguna Beach of the San Gabriel Valley.”  And it made sense why I felt at home, it was filled with white conservative wealthy republicans and every fiber in my being screamed, home-safe, decent public school system home.  I would give my left nut (if I had one) to give you the kind of upbringing I had.  It was safe and safe sounds really good right about now.

I love you.  I am so proud of you.  And of me.  We did it.  We made it.  I made it.  I can’t believe it.  I’m still standing.

So much more to go…

I look forward to every single minute of it all.

Mom