He took the morning shift and I slept in 2 hours this gorgeous Sunday. 2 hours!! And when I woke up he had already put her down for her morning nap. I don’t want to brag but… I am. I have a good one. And he does this kind of thing all the time. Last night too- out of the blue he gave me a foot rub. Who does that? He does. I’m not used to so much thoughtful considerate kindness in my relationships. It humbles me and makes me want to be a better wife and mother every day.
Heck, a better person.
I want to thank his mother for doing such a great job with him, and I have, because it’s pretty remarkable to me who he is on a daily basis. And it made me think as I was having a conversation with Wendy yesterday about parenting, about nature vs. nurture. Wendy was telling me how her 26-year-old daughter didn’t want to settle for a job she didn’t think was paying her enough so she went out and got a better one. Both Wendy and I were impressed with her hutzpah and wondered if that was taught or innate. Do we really ‘make or break’ these little people? Wendy was so young when she had her, and she didn’t do RIE, or The Echo Center Parenting classes, she did what she did instinctively. And she made mistakes, admittedly so, but her daughter turned out wonderful, anyone would agree.
So maybe I could lighten up just a little bit and start to enjoy the ride?
And by the way, it’s been a few days since I began this post, and yes, I still love my husband.
Even though co-parenting is probably the hardest thing we’ll ever do together, like my friend Sarah said, if you can negotiate this, you can negotiate anything. And we negotiate, a lot.
But it’s good for me. I am learning that disagreeing doesn’t mean being abandoned. That is kind of huge for me.
So Pony my love,
We’ve figured another thing out about you that might be as big as your diapers being too small, you DO NOT LIKE ANY STIMULATION past 5pm. Pretty much. Basically all the ‘bedtime routine’ stuff we were doing to you, like the bath, massage, book reading, etc…was making you nuts. Last night was the turning point when you lost it after all of the above. Your poor Papa was in charge of bathing you and putting you to sleep and he was beside himself. You went to a 10. It took awhile for me to soothe you after that but it was good in the fact that we both realized that something we were doing could quite possibly be off. So instead of the books, again, we turned to you. What did you want? And tonight it seems,very little. So we’ll see how this goes and keep tuning into you, again and again.
I’ve also fallen in love with La Canada! Who knew such a place existed in Los Angeles? I met Leigh and Tor at Descanso Gardens yesterday for a walk, and was enamored of the neighborhood surrounding it. What a gem! It felt woodsy and safe. Lots of nature. Of course it’s expensive to live there and it’s mostly rich white folks but I think I’ve lived in Highland Park enough to feel…integrated. Although I had this thought driving home today, that all the sex offenders that live in our neighborhood (I checked the website) probably don’t prey around here. I imagine that La Canada is the perfect place for them to troll. I mean, they wouldn’t want to shit where they eat, right? Hmm… maybe I think too much?
And lastly I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all the amazing women having you has brought into my life. I get to hang out with wonderful generous hilarious moms like Betsy, Marie, and Leigh. (That rhymed) and go on walks with moms to be like Rosa. She is doing a home birth! I LOVE it. I can’t wait to meet her little one. This shit is so much fun, Pony. The day you start talking and playing with Mirth, Tor, Kasper and Rosa’s yet to be, will be a good day.
We are checking out a chiropractor for your neck, thanks to Rosa. And I’ll let you know how that goes.
I love you even though you’ve made me go in there and soothe you at least four times so far this night, and it’s only been 2 hours.
I am definitely earning my keep.
I love you infinitely,
and p.s. I think I might even love your Daddy more now. He’s certainly the one for me. He made us beets, chinese broccoli, and a yam for dinner. I needed that. I also really need to go to bed. You are in the habit of waking up a lot right now. You must be growing. I think you are.