Once again I am apologizing for not writing to you more often. I just can’t seem to sit still long enough or keep a consistent train of thought that makes any sense anymore. It’s like I have sudden ADD. I thought it was supposed to get easier as you got older, but where some things are easier and way more fun, other things are harder and require such mental gymnastics keeping up with your two year old psychology that I got nothin left at the end of the day. Hell, even mid way through the day, even in the morning. I am challenged beyond my ability to comprehend. And I still fall more and more in love with you every day. You are amazing. Complicated. Quirky. Funny. Totally interesting. And very physical. You love to climb. And jump. On everything. Including me. And Bug. Our puppy. You love these soft little babies called Two Pees in a Pod. You carry them everywhere. And you love Timmy Time and Shaun the Sheep. Yes, we have succumbed to letting you watch SOME television. Wow. Now I know why. I know why Mom’s do it and I know why Mom’s don’t. It saves me some days, and then I worry that I am ruining your brain cells. It’s a no win situation.
You started Pre-Preschool. I wrote about it in another blog I started and never finished. I am going to publish those tonight and just let them be as they are. They have no endings. Some might even end mid thought. But that is the truth of parenting for me. Lost thoughts, lost words, no endings.
One of many good things that has happened lately though- quick before I forget- is that I was talking to your Uncle Strider, my brother, about my morbid anxiety and he gave me a simple tool to use every time I get scared that something bad is going to happen to you- he said “Look, there are billions of people on the planet, the mathematics that something tragic will happen to Pony are very slim. Math is in your favor.” “But I fear I am special” I said. He replied, “You are not special.”
So that is what I say now, a million times a day it seems, I say:
Math is on my side and I am not special.
I love you my little bunny.
Wherever you go I will follow.
I hope you remember that from the book we must have read a hundred times this weekend.