I guess I am not done

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I forgot to mention the horrific post partum anxiety I suffered through the first few months of your life. So as I continue to make my case to this imaginary moral jury let me include that.  It was horrible.  I was terrified ALL OF THE TIME.  There was no respite.  No 15 minute smoke break.  It was on the minute you were born and it didn’t subside till…oh…a few weeks ago.  I would definitely need medication if I were to experience that dreaded avalanche of worry and fear again.  And I don’t like medication.  I don’t even like taking aspirin or advil, if I can help it.

Chalk that one up for the defense.

Of course, now, all I see are families with two children.  At  the park, in the grocery store, on the TV.  I keep looking for the single child family.  I don’t see many of them.  We’re the anomaly. We’ll be the exception.  I do know a few single child mother’s.  I have 4 friends who have one child.  I have reached out to all of them.  For support and encouragement.  Everyone else has 2.  My little brother has 3.  It is starting to feel like a numbers game.  Like children are acquisitions.  How many do you have? Is it a badge of courage to brave more than one? It certainly is if you are over 40.  The statistics and tests alone…

So why am I still talking about it, if the evidence is so clearly in favor of us only having one?

Because I am a Mother.  And I know what the back of your baby’s neck smells like.  And I will never forget that for as long as I live.

I will get over this.  I will move on.

Thank you for listening to me work it out.

I love you P.  My one and only P.

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