It’s 12:30 in the morning and you are really struggling with staying asleep tonight for some reason. Which is so strange because last night you slept like a champ. Which reminds me of how silly I felt the other day. I was convinced my eyes were going bad, so I went to get them checked. Turns out I have 20/20 vision. I’m just tired. Oh well. I was kind of looking forward to having a new accessory, guess I’ll have to wait a few more years.

Your Dad just went down and is soothing you to sleep with back rubs. It’s rather sweet to watch. Another reason I love the video monitor. I would miss all this without it. In fact, I have been meaning to list all the reasons I love the Summer Infant Touch Screen Video Monitor, now is as good a time as any, I guess.

1. I get to watch you playing alone in your crib. I call it P TV, it’s my favorite show.

2. I know that you sleep with your butt in the air. This makes me happy, because I know that you aren’t sleeping on your flat spot. Plus, it’s pretty darn cute. Which brings me to…

3. All the different sleep variations you go through in a night. It can shift from reckless abandon, where your arms are splayed out to child’s pose and every where in between and all over the crib. I don’t know how it would work if we slept together. That must get very interesting for all those co-sleeping mommas and papas out there.

4. Peace of mind. The monitor is not cheap, by any means. But really, what price is too high for peace of mind?

5. I never got to this one because you didn’t quit and we couldn’t take it anymore.

We quit. We caved. We gave in.

I know this must be so erratic for you. We must be more consistent. I had no idea how hard this was going to be. I have been doing everything I can to avoid training you in any way, but this three hour up thing is going to make us all crazy, I fear.

It wasn’t like you were in pain, you just didn’t seem to want to be alone. That breaks my heart. I would sleep with you if I could, but then I would never sleep and that would be even worse. I am not at my best with no sleep. No one is, really. The fact that some of us mothers can function as well as we can is miraculous. Most of us shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery to be honest. The “Baby on Board” signs have taken on a whole new meaning. They are hazard signs.

My friend said it is better to just rip the band aid off.

She swears it will only take a few nights. But then again, her daughters never cried longer than 45 minutes. Your tenacity, although admirable, sweetheart, is gut wrenchingly painful to sit through. I don’t know if I have the stomach for it.

I guess we’ll have to sit and meditate on this one all day.

I really don’t know what the best thing to do is, so I am asking the bigger powers that be to guide me in my thinking and acting, to do the right thing for all of us, as a family.

I love you peanut.

Especially now that you are making zerberts on your own and oh yes, you said Momma this morning.

That was nice touch.

xx
Mom