Orajel SUCKS.

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Oh P- the growing spurt is over. It’s back to waking up numerous times a night. Oy vey. Consistency is NOT your middle name. Nor is it mine. Funny thing that is. Oh well, you keep me on my toes, that is for sure. Never a dull night with you, little monkey. In fact, every night is a new adventure. I go to bed really having absolutely no clue what the night will hold in store for us. I wonder what it’s like to know when you go to sleep, you won’t wake up till it’s morning. I can’t remember, it’s been so long.

I have to apologize though for something that was entirely my own neurotic fault the other night. It all began when I frantically bought some Baby Nighttime Orajel at CVS in a desperate attempt to help you sleep better. That night at 10:30 when you woke up, in the dark of the room, I tried to put some on your gums. It smelled totally weird and you hated it. You began to smack your lips in a very repetitive way making me nervous. Suddenly I remembered reading warnings about Orajel and I began to panic because I couldn’t remember what the warnings were. I laid you down and ran upstairs to google it. Your Dad was snoring softly in the bedroom as you nestled back to sleep in your crib. All this while I read horrific stories of babies choking on their own saliva, throats closing, seizures and some strange liver disease I can’t even spell, all because of this stupid fucking Orajel (which should be taken off the market, if you ask me). Almost hyperventilating I ran back downstairs and creeped into your room to make sure you were still breathing. Unfortunately for us your door decided to creak like an old haunted house, waking you up enough so you sat up, looked right at me, and screamed in fright. I felt terrible. I would have screamed too if I suddenly saw me lurking up up on me at night with crazy eyes and wild white hair. I grabbed you and nursed you down. Or so I thought. I crept back upstairs, trying not to wake you or your Dad, grabbed the orajel and slathered it all over my gums to test how long the numbness persists for. Damn it if that shit doesn’t taste HORRIBLE! I am so sorry, hon. So sorry. By the time the orajel wore off you were back up and standing in your crib gumming the bars calling out for me and my boobs. I went down. You nursed. I laid you back down. I went up. I watched the monitor waiting for you to fall back asleep. FINALLY, you did. Crisis averted. I fell into bed and crashed. For about an hour, when you woke up again….

And so it is and so it goes.

Like I said P, every night is a new adventure.

Your crazy mum.

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