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I really want to get a tattoo today.
I don’t even care what it is.
Because, I lied.
It is either/ or.  Cry it out or they run your life.  No middle ground.  No easy way out.
It is the definition of a dilemma, where neither option looks good.
And with my decision making challenges and emotional handicaps, trying to have a rational discussion about this stuff with my uber rational husband is tense, to say the least.
He’s right and I am right and somewhere in the middle we two shall meet and there you will be Pony, sleeping like a baby.

Such a strange misleading idiom.

A part of me is very attracted to the simplicity and no bullshit clarity of basic sleep training.  But then another part of me hurts just thinking about it.
It’s the ole head vs. heart thing.
And it’s the only place where my husband and I diverge.  And this is incredibly painful for someone as innately codependent as I am.
I want to merge.
At all times.
And I know I have said this before, but Pony, THANK GOD for your father and his views, because there would absolutely be no balance without him.

You are an amazingly wonderful baby, Pony.  I can’t wait to see who you become.

Every day with you is a gift.

I went to a meeting tonight and heard women talk of grief and loss.  They were so beautiful and powerful in their sorrow.  It scared me but also made me realize the preciousness of this life, and like Robin said, not just the preciousness of the life we think we want to be living, but the actual one we are living right now.

And right now, even though we aren’t living where I want to live or think we should live, I am loving living with you and your Dad.

I love our mornings.  Our family mornings.  Where Papa goes to get you and we all hang out and talk about our dreams from the night before.

You, my heart, are becoming quite the chatterbox.  It’s a beautiful thing.

I guess you like to talk, just like your Momma.


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