I woke up this morning with a blog on my mind. I think it was inspired by the fact that I was noticing how much less I pee now. And that started me thinking into all the different ways my body has changed from pregnancy, good or bad.
Note to male readers: STOP HERE. It could get ugly down below. Save yourselves.
First of all, I think my vagina is actually smaller. But that could only be because it assumed such gigantic amorphous proportions while pregnant that I have lost any “normal” reference point. However, I am pleased to say that yes, it does go back. To what, I am not sure, but I am perfectly happy with it. Same with my feet and hands. Oh yes, and face. Everything sort of pushed the boundaries of reality as I knew it.
Secondly, I can’t believe that I pee less and I’m still drinking tons of water, but once again, it’s a reference point thing. I have always peed my ass off, since I was born, I believe. I used to tell people that I had the bladder the size of a peanut. I was not your first pick of friend for road trips. So you can imagine how crazy it got in pregnancy. I lived on the toilet seat, day and night. Now, I can sleep all night and pee maybe once or twice. ONCE OR TWICE!! Now, again, I peed possibly 12 times a night some nights while pregnant so this could be a case of the forgotten “how it was befores” but it’s my story so I’m stickin to it.
And thirdly- this is slightly off topic- but NO ONE (except for my bestie Nessy who warned me) talks about how mind boggling difficult it is to poo after birth. Especially that first time. It’s a total mind game. Just like it was in delivery when I was told to bear down like it was the biggest poo of my life, well, when I got home and tried to bear down on the toilet after it had been a little while and I couldn’t avoid it anymore, it freaked me out. I thought I was going to push my vagina out or at the very least rip open my stitch. It was painful and frightening. But nothing a ton of stool softeners and strong black Irish tea couldn’t fix.
Lastly- I think more attention should be placed on the falling in love aspect of early babydom, instead of the obsession with sleep and are you getting any. Because when Leigh writes about Tor like this- it inspires me to look beyond the hours spent bouncing on the ball or swaying through the house singing old Beastie Boys lyrics because that is all you know and reminds me so eloquently of the incredible gift I have been given with this child.
Did I mention yet that I’m absolutely in love with Tor? Because I think I just tripped on his latest trick and fell head over heels. We were having one of our many dialogues after nursing and he discovered his vocal chords by way of this really high-pitched squeal. The first two times, he scared himself. His eyes went super wide and shifty, then he’d look to both sides and check his surroundings. But by the third time, he caught on, then just kept at. He’d squeal, smile, laugh, repeat. If the idea is that at every little milestone, your heart falls further, then we’re in trouble deep! The power these little people have…
It’s really all about perspective.
I listened to a message from my dear darling Katie in Hawaii the other day, she said the most wonderful thing I have ever heard, she asked me if I was loving these first 3 months. She said they were the most delicious and incredible, being with a newborn. She has two beautiful little girls. It was so refreshing to hear that perspective rather than the “just get through the first 90 days” that I had been hearing. And I realized in that moment, it’s a choice, how I view this time and I can choose to view it as something to endure and get through or something that is precious and should be treasured.
It’s up to me.
And when I look at your sweet sweet little face Pony and watch your eyes dance across the room as you discover new things, like the rainbows coming through the window or your own hands and feet, I now know to slow down and marvel with you. Because the gift you are giving me, in this special time, is the gift of wonder.
We all need more wonder in our day.