Waking up this morning in the arms of my husband, your father, feeling you kick and tumble inside my belly, while listening to the birds, squirrels, and apparently the occasional goose next door in the open lot, I thought to myself-
I get to have this life.
I get to be this lucky.
Luck is just another nickname for God.
We had the most magical weekend doing absolutely nothing, but the key was, we did nothing together. It felt like we were dating again- as your Papa so sweetly described it today- and it does feel like that almost every day for me with him. I get tingles and butterflies every time I think of him or get to be around him. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. I can’t WAIT for you two to finally meet. All three of us are going to be a family! How amazing is that??!!!
I watched a documentary on Buddhism last week and it has really piqued my interest so I picked up this book I’ve had laying around for years about the 12 Steps and Buddhism. The end goal of both spiritual practices are very similar, be present and be good. I love Sanskrit- I think it is so beautiful. I wish I had more room on my arms for tattoos of it. Maybe I’ll just have to get creative. Jessy sent me this CD of a Buddhist chanting in Sanskrit to her unborn daughter in her womb. I’ve been playing it in the mornings for you. I sit and meditate to it. Your father is such a trooper and has yet to complain. His only comment was- does she say anything else? It’s chanting, I reminded him. I wonder if you’ll recognize it after you are born? It’ll be interesting to see.
I can’t thank you enough, Pony, for bringing your Papa and me together. We had some hurdles to cross before we could be together and I now know you were there in spirit coaching us along. You chose us, I have no doubt. Your Papa told me the sweetest saddest story last night about our first ‘tea date’- this was the same day I accidentally ‘ran’ into him while randomly riding my bike, before I ever met him, only having seen him in Facebook photos, and he offered me watermelon with the greatest smile I ever saw and said we would need to find out why we met like this, and I said how and he said like this, I almost fell over my bike standing still I was so nervous and charmed- but that night when we met for tea your poor Papa was experiencing debilitating brain fog. Something he didn’t fully understand then and wasn’t his usual magical self. Frustrated he went into the bathroom and banged his head against the metal paper towel dispenser while I sat frustrated in the restaurant wondering where the watermelon man had gone. I cry when I think of this story. Maybe it’s hormones that keep making me cry, but I am so incredibly unbelievably immensely grateful we gave each other another shot. I heard you Pony, telling me to show up again and again as Papa got better and better. And then we fell in love, and then there was you. And the rest is history.
I am also crying looking at the photos on this website.
Everybody LOVES a pregnant woman!! I had no idea. Doors are being opened, everyone’s smiling at me, bathroom lines suddenly vanish when I appear. People won’t LET me wait in line for the toilet- they insist I go first. This is BRILLIANT! And then there was the Thai Foot Massage woman this weekend, Gina. I thought she was going to try and take our unborn daughter from our womb, she was so excited about you, Pony. She kept talking about how badly she wanted a granddaughter, how girls are the best, but yet how much she loved her grandson. She was so overcome with emotion that she didn’t stop at the feet, she massaged my entire body ending with her climbing up on the table and wrapping her arms around me and you and giving us a giant bear hug! It was amazing.
Who can say no to love and joy?
I have read that some pregnant women don’t like it when people touch their belly- I say, bring it on! I don’t think people touch my belly enough!! Maybe it’s the quality of the person doing the touching but personally, I love the attention. I always have. Ever since I was little.
I wanted to be an actress since I can remember. I even found some writing from when I was 5 years old and in it I said, I want to be an actress and change the world. I was 5. Who thinks like that? I was an actress. I did it. And I am glad it’s over now. I really honestly hope you never want to be an actress. It’s a brutal profession. I have this strange feeling you’ll be a diplomat and a good one with really good intentions and a pure heart for reform- or a musician. It’s a toss-up.
In the words of Tina Fey-
A Prayer for a Daughter
And lastly- Dad is home and being with him is Home for me.
I love you Pony Girl, stay Gold.