Pony dear,

I got into a fight with some thong underwear the other day and lost.  It was a wretched battle and blood was shed on both sides, however, a very good thing has come out of it.  I have finally surrendered to Granny Pants and have never been more comfortable in my entire life.  What was I thinking all these years?  These things are amazing.  And the cherry on the top of this cake is that your Papa apparently is a big fan of the Grannies. Who knew I could be so lucky??  I am married to a man that loves short hair and Granny Panties!  It’s like a dream come true.  I get to be comfortable.  After years of being a physical chameleon and contortionist based on what I hoped would attract a mate, I finally get to be just me and be with the man of my dreams.

It’s made me think a lot about something.  If your Papa and I were to have another child, I know it would be a boy, and I know he would be just like his Dad and there is a huge part of me that feels like I would be doing some sweet little girl out there a  ginormous disservice by not bringing him into the world so she can be loved by him.  I would never want to deprive another of this amazing experience.  Maybe I am crazy?  I am almost 38 and we swore we’d only have one, so we could still travel and have a life, and maybe we still will.  But it’s hard being married to someone so amazing and not want to co-create with him. It just feels like the most natural right thing to do.

But maybe I should just wait and see how we do with you, my little Ponygirl.  I am getting ahead of the game here.  I haven’t even had you yet and look at me, I’m already 3 years down the road.  It’s all about staying present, not one of my forte’s. And that is right, I called you Ponygirl. We picked a name for you! Pony won. I was not impressed, at first, but in meditation, I kept seeing you giggling and saying your name and finally said yes, let’s name her Pony, after Ponyboy Curtis from the book The Outsiders. Ponyboy is one of my favorite characters in literature. A gold-hearted human being. Just like you.

You had the hiccups this morning.  It was super cute.  I love feeling you kick and squirm and do the robot dance inside of my belly.  It makes me glow all over.

I organized your clothes and room yesterday, you have already acquired quite the adorable wardrobe.  I wanted to cry folding your onesies.  I can’t believe how small they are.

You have some amazing Aunties that can’t wait to meet you.  And another little girl that was just born not too long ago- her name is Brixton and her mommy is Mimi.  You are going to love them, I just know it.

I gotta run to work now.  I’ve procrastinated enough and you just kicked the crap out of me- so here we go.

Stay Gold, Ponygirl!

xx
Mom