We Heart Dr. Dwight!

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We met Dr. Dwight today, your Obgyn.  He’s the man that will be catching you when you enter into this world and I can’t think of a better person for the job.  The difference in demeanor and warmth between him and the other (who shall remain nameless from now on) is like night and day.  From the second we walked into the welcoming waiting room until we were ushered into the more sterile yet still warm somehow doctor room where we were to be examined, we both couldn’t believe how much better we felt.  We just knew we were in a more compassionate environment.  It leaked through the walls. And we hadn’t even met the famous Dr. Dwight yet.  Dad and I made each other laugh while I sat there naked under a hospital gown anxious and curious.  Then it happened. A light knock on the door and sunshine entered the room in the form of a tall and thin grey haired angel in scrubs.  He gave us this gigantic smile, shook my hand while introducing himself, and while shaking Dad’s hand, said, “Do you two know each other?”  I laughed and replied, “Only intimately.”

It was an amazing start.  He spent almost an hour with us explaining his theory and practice which all centered around natural childbirth.  I had tears in my eyes, I was so relieved.  Finally, here was a doctor speaking my language.  He used words like; no iv, no fetal monitor, birthing tub, moving around in labor, dim lights, music, and dancing fairies if you so wished.  Dad gave me a knowing look when he said fairies, how did Dr. Dwight know??  He was magic.  I wanted to hug him.  And that was before the ultrasound.  This was pretty amazing Squirt.  I still get choked up just thinking about it. He put the warm gel on my belly and applied the thing that finds you, Dad grabbed my foot while we all stared at the little screen with the strange blobs and blurs in it.  He found you right away.  We saw your head. It was really cute. And then he found another angle, you were hanging out with your legs apart.  I could easily make out your femur bones on either side.  And that was when Dr. Dwight narrowed in and explained that we were looking to see what the gender was between your legs.  We had already told him we wanted to know your sex if we could.  He asked us then if we had a preference.  Dad said no I said well…a girl.  But I’ll be happy with whatever is healthy.  And that’s when he said the most beautiful words I have ever heard strung together besides when your Papa said “Will you marry me?”,  Dr. Dwight said, “Looks like you guys have a daughter.”  I wanted to start crying but was too embarrassed to do it in front of everyone. So I held it in.  Cuz I’m tough like that.  Then it was over and we were ready to go.  I think Dad and I were in shock, the best shock ever.  I wanted to start sobbing in his arms out of happiness right away but I kept it together.  We made it out of the hospital walking on air.  In a slight daze as we ate lunch together before going our separate ways back to work.  We kept saying, “Oh my god.” And “I love him”  “I wish I could hug him” and “I wish I had a small Dr. Dwight to keep in my pocket all day.”
On my way home from work I really lost it because I realized something so profound- I was going to be able to give you the greatest gift I could ever give my daughter; Dad as your father.  You are going to grow up with a father that adores you, will never hurt you or abandon you.  That is huge. That is bigger than huge, that is…I don’t even know how to explain it.  I can give you something I never had.  Nothing else matters.  I can rest assured for the rest of my life that I finally have done something right.  I fell in love with the right person.  For once.  I found my soulmate and we are going to have a baby together and that love child is you.  Your Dad just told me that today was the happiest day of his life, second to the day he met me.  See?  Lottery.
Sweet dreams little one.

To Eat or Not to Eat

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Eating has become the bane of my existence.  In theory it seems so lovely.  I always thought that once I got pregnant, that was, IF I ever got pregnant, I could finally eat all those delicious out-of-bound foods I’d been admiring from afar for so long.  Things like macaroni and cheese, powder coated doughnuts, a juicy steak, and pop-tarts.  And although bread and cheese was all that satiated me for the first trimester the mere thought of it now makes me feel woozy. My whole relationship with food has changed in this trimester.  It’s not that I’m nauseous all the time, like I was, it’s that nothing tastes right when I eat it.  It’s the strangest thing. I’ll think I am craving something, like a fresh salmon salad, but the second I take the first bite a trigger goes off and I can’t take another.  I’ve spent many a wonderful meal that your Papa has so lovingly created for us forcing myself to keep chewing for fear of offending.  But it’s not the food that is the problem.  His cooking is divine.  And it could be at a 5-star restaurant, it doesn’t matter, I can’t enjoy the food I eat, most of the time.  I guess it’s what they call, Food Aversion.

Clue:  early on my dear friend six months pregnant with her second child warned me, “ORDER BLAND” she said.  “You might think you want that spicy exotic sounding thing but trust me, if  you order it, you will regret it.”  And she was right.  It’s like my stomach and head have lost contact with each other and one wants one thing while the other wants something completely different.  And there is no communication going on. They’ve gone rogue.  I hate it. I feel like I am wasting money eating out. And eating in is just as complicated.  It’s incredibly frustrating as I used to LOVE food.  And now it just doesn’t taste right.  And don’t even get me started on dark leafy greens.  Used to be my favorite thing to eat.  Now it just makes me gag. So strange.

I’ve heard pregnant women talk about cravings as if this can determine the sex of your baby.  Sweets means a girl and salty means a boy.  Well, I craved cheese and bread the first trimester and this trimester I just cycled through a strange case of gummi bears, blow pops, and popsicles.  I haven’t eaten those three items in almost 15 years, I’d say. But I think today was the end of the sugar run.  I am starting to get massive headaches and a strange rash all over my chest and back along with little bumps on my face.  Not fun at all.  My last blow pop didn’t even taste that good.  Grape.

Tomorrow I vow to begin anew.  To attempt a more balanced diet. I think I can now. A bland balanced diet void of sugar and dairy.  Nothing really good ever comes from consuming sugar and dairy, now then does it? But I’ve heard a lot of good that comes from avoiding the two.  I don’t want you, Squirt, to feel all hopped up on the sugar junk or itchy and constipated from the dairy. I want you feeling the best you can possibly feel. And I want to make the best breast milk I possibly can for you.  It’s my job. To be healthy.

I can do it. Even if it makes me puke.

I love you more than organic pink peppermint ice cream.